


Love of my Life, You've Hurt Me

by brianmaybrianmay



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Roger Just Has A Lot Of Feelings, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 17:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17964809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianmaybrianmay/pseuds/brianmaybrianmay
Summary: Roger's in love. He just didn't realise how much it was going to hurt. Until it didn't.





	Love of my Life, You've Hurt Me

"Roger, what on Earth are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing, Fred?"

"Well it looks like you're destroying the kitchen. What I meant was, would you like to tell me why you're destroying the kitchen?"

Roger sighed, pushing his hair back from his forehead as well as he could with the oven glove he currently had on his hand, "I'm cooking is all" He shrugged, pulling off one of the oven gloves so that he could stir one of the pots currently on the stove, "Yes, but why? Darling, I can't remember the last time I saw you cooking anything that wasn't a ready meal, and now it looks like you're making six different dinners at once?" Freddie asked, looking at the chaos that was currently Roger's kitchen.

It wasn't exactly a lie either. Roger wasn't known for his cooking prowess - he and Freddie had barely been able to boil an egg between the two of them a while back. Brian was the one who usually cooked in his and Roger's flat, considering he was the one with the biggest concern about Roger having a balanced diet with plenty of vegetables and other healthy foods.

Freddie knew Roger would be more than happy to live off baked beans and sandwiches if given the choice, so this was a little out of character.

Roger shrugged again, keeping his eyes on the pot on the stove, "I just.. thought I'd try be a little useful. Bri has still got his head buried in the sand with his thesis and you know what he gets like when he's this busy with school. He lived off digestive biscuits for two weeks last time" He explained.

Roger had finished his degree a couple of months ago and since then, he and Freddie's whole focus had been on the band - aside from the few shifts they did at their clothes stall in Kensington Market. John was finishing his own course in a few weeks, but Brian was right in the middle of doing his thesis for his PhD - which meant that when he wasn't helping write songs or rehearse with the band, he tended to concentrate on nothing but his thesis. So, like Roger said, he was preparing a couple of meals for him.

The fact that Roger couldn't cook wasn't important, it was the thought that counted.

Freddie couldn't help but grin as he watched Roger, leaning against the doorframe, "When are you going to just tell him?" He asked, noticing the way Roger's cheeks flushed slightly as he turned around to him, "I don't know what you mean"

"I mean the fact that you want to do filthy things to Brian and that you've resorted to cooking for him to try and win over his affections"

Freddie said bluntly, grinning at the way Roger's blush deepened even further. He and John had both agreed that it was plain as day how Roger felt about Brian, and even their respective partners - Jim and Veronica - had said that they'd both noticed too. Still, this was the first time any of them had approached the subject with Roger.

Still, Freddie found it hard to keep his grin in place when Roger visibly deflated,

"It's not that simple, Fred. There's the band to think of, there's no way he feels the same way about me and it's not fair on either of us if I tell him I love him and then we have to continue working together. Besides, even if neither of us end up having to leave the band, there's no way he'd ever leave Chrissie. They're basically married and all by now" He shrugged, folding his arms as he leaned against the counter top.

It was true, Brian and Chrissie had been together for years now, and Roger was trying to brace himself for the fact that Brian would probably ask her to marry him any day now.

Above everything else, he was a good friend. He could plaster a smile on and be happy for Brian if that's what it took, even if it did hurt to do so.

"I'm sorry, Rog. I had no idea you actually loved him. I assumed maybe a shag was all you were going for" Freddie admitted sheepishly before sighing again, "Really, you love him?" He asked, and Roger nodded.

"Yeah.. I do. Why d'you think I broke up with Dominique?"

He'd been pining over Brian since back in the days of Smile, had told himself it was a simple crush born of admiration for the guitarist. That didn't explain his relief though when Brian and Tim had broken up after Tim quit the band. After that, he'd toyed with the idea of telling Brian until the older man had met Chrissie - and Roger could see that it was love at first sight. Brian had fallen hard and fast for her, and so Roger had tried moving on. He'd really thought he and Dominique could be something, she was smart and funny and gorgeous to top it all off, but the problem was that she wasn't Brian.

So he'd broken it off with her, and he hadn't had a proper relationship since.

"How'd you know? That you loved him, I mean. You two have been friends for so long, how did you know when it wasn't just friendly anymore?" Freddie asked and Roger sighed.

"Well, I've always fancied him really, even when he and Tim were together. But when I knew exactly was back when we were writing our first album. It was four in the morning or something stupid like that, and he'd dragged me out of bed to listen to this new song he'd written, which was '39. I remember he played it for me, and then he explained what it was about - he went into depth about all these scientific theories about relativity and time distortion that I could barely understand when I was properly awake.

"And I remember thinking that - like I said - even though it was some disgusting time in the morning and that the two of us were up early for class the next day, and that I was only awake because I'd had about four cups of coffee in a row, that there was nowhere else I'd rather be.

"I was perfectly content to sit and listen to him, even though I had no idea what he was talking about. And I just remember thinking to myself; 'I could fall in love with you', even though I think I kind of did that night"

He looked back at the floor when he'd finished talking, and Freddie could feel his heart break a little for the drummer. He knew Roger meant the world to Brian, but like Roger had already said, they were all expecting Brian to ask Chrissie to marry him any day now.

"I'm sorry, Rog. Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?"

"You can help me clean up, I guess. Seems I've made a bit of a mess"

 

-x-

 

"Don't slow it down!"

"I'm just trying to slow it down a little"

"Well it doesn't need slowing down! God, it's- it's creeping at the moment. God, it was so slow! And it was getting even slower"

"Oh, fuck slowing down.. that’s hardly the point"

"You always try to play this like I've never-"

"Oh don't be so fucking ridiculous"

"Alright then, I'll follow you!"

Roger wasn't sure why Brian was getting so on his nerves lately, and especially right now as they tried to rehearse one of their songs that flowed beautifully on paper, but that they couldn't seem to all play coherently. The last straw was when Brian started mocking him by pretending to cry and he stood up, shoving his drumsticks in his back pocket,

"I'm going out for a smoke" He snapped, slamming the door to the studio on his way out.

Okay so maybe Brian's idea of slowing down a little while they practised hadn't been the worst idea, but like Roger had said - everything the guitarist did lately was getting on his nerves.

He wasn't sure what it was either. Maybe it was the fact that he knew now that everybody except Brian himself was aware of how he felt about him, maybe it was the fact that Chrissie seemed to be around at the flat and the studio more than usual lately, and he really didn't feel like seeing the two of them being a perfectly happy couple right under his nose.

Or maybe it was the fact that he'd written a song about how he loved Brian and had poured his heart and soul into it - but at the last minute had chickened out and had filled the song full of car metaphors and had called it I'm In Love with my Car - and Brian had basically torn it to pieces.

It wasn't his fault he didn't know what the song was really about, but it had still hurt a little when he'd asked if the song was a joke and if he was actually serious about putting it on the new album.

Maybe he was just a little nicotine deprived - he was trying to cut down after all.

 

-x-

 

"What the fuck was that about? What's his problem lately?"

Brian asked, sitting on the drum riser after he had taken his Red Special off. Roger had always had a short temper but lately it seemed like every little thing was getting under his skin. It hadn't escaped his notice either that it seemed to be only him, he was getting along fine with both Freddie and John.

"I think he's just a little stressed right now, dear. With trying to get the new album together and everything" Freddie suggested, although Brian didn't miss the quick look he shared with the bassist,

"You two know something. Was it something I did? Because he's certainly not snapping at either of you for every suggestion you make, and it's not like that was the first time he's almost bitten my head off for something that small" He said, and John shrugged a little, "Look, Brian, just talk to Roger. We don't know why he's so antsy lately and there's no point in speculating" He told him, and Brian nodded a little in response.

John was right, Roger was his best friend and maybe it was just the stress of trying to record the album getting to him.

 

-x-

 

He hadn't expected Roger to be drunk when he got home, but here they were.

Roger had come back into the studio a couple of minutes after he'd stormed out, said that his head wasn't in it today and that he'd leave the others to it, let them finish up rehearsing without him. So they had, they'd kept at it for a couple more hours before finally deciding to call it a day.

Brian had made up his mind to talk to Roger when he got back to the flat, but it seemed the drummer had been doing a bit of wallowing while he was waiting at home.

"Right, are you gonna tell me what's going on with you?" Brian asked as he looked over at Roger who was sat at the kitchen table, half empty bottle of vodka sat in front of him. Roger sighed and shrugged, rolling his eyes, "It's nothing" He muttered.

Like he'd said, he didn't even know why he was being so ratty with Brian lately.

"It's clearly not nothing. Is it to do with the song?" Brian asked, and he knew he was onto something by the way Roger bristled when he brought it up, "That's it, isn't it? You're pissed 'cause I don't like the song? Well I'm sorry, Rog, but I just don't think a song about being in love with your car is strong enough for the album"

"It's not about a damn car! I changed the words and the title because I poured my heart and soul into that song and I'm damn proud of it, but I couldn't exactly give you guys a song called 'I'm In Love with my Guitarist' could I?!"

Roger snapped, although he seemed to deflate when he realised what he'd just admitted. His mouth tended to run away from him when he'd been drinking, and he was sick of listening to Brian talk shit about his song.

Brian just looked at him, looking a little like a deer caught in headlights, "You're in l-" "Drop it, Brian. I mean it" Roger muttered as he poured himself another glass of vodka, necking it back with a wince. Brian looked like he didn't know what to do with himself, and Roger could tell that that certainly wasn't the end of it, "Since when?" He asked, folding his arms in a way that looked like he was holding himself,

"Since always, Bri. Since Smile" What was the point in trying to deny it now? He'd already admitted it, he'd basically shouted it at Brian and he just.. he was tired. He was tired of pretending he didn't feel anything for the older man.

Brian simply chewed on his lower lip, and Roger was finding it impossible to figure out what he was thinking, "Go to bed, Rog. You're drunk and we're both pissed off and it's late" He murmured, and Roger found he didn't even have any fight left in him for this. Usually he'd be bitching about being told what to do and claim that he was an adult and could do what he wanted, but on this occasion he simply got up from his seat and did what he was told.

He couldn't help but feel as though he'd just ruined something though.

 

-x-

 

When he woke up, his mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool.

He groaned as he turned over onto his side and was surprised to be met by the sight of a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers on his bedside locker. Seemed Brian had stayed up a little longer than him last night. Speaking of Brian, he could feel a ball of dread curling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of their discussion last night. It had seemed like a good idea to tell him everything last night - not so much now that he was sober.

He downed the glass of water and took two of the pills before dragging himself to the bathroom, brushing his teeth while he was out there. Once he had done that, he figured he'd sneak downstairs. He should've known Brian would be up before him though, the older man never tended to sleep in too late, and especially not when there was something on his mind,

"Morning"

"Morning.. Rog, listen-"

"Not now. Hungover" Roger muttered as he filled himself another glass of water before turning on the coffee machine. Clearly Brian wasn't giving him an inch here though because he simply kept talking,

"We need to talk about what happened last night, I can't just ignore the fact that you admitted you're in love with me" He told him, and Roger had had enough.

"Well, you should, I shouldn't have said anything. And yeah, it's true, but it doesn't have to change anything, and it certainly doesn't have to ruin the band" Roger said. That was his biggest worry really, that Brian would either leave the band or that he'd refuse to work with Roger anymore and then he'd have to.

"But I-"

"And it's not like I wanted to fall in love with you either" - Roger noticed the look of hurt that had come over the guitarist's face but he refused to back down from his monologue now that he'd started - "You've already found the love of your life and any day now you're gonna get hitched and start a family with her and there's no way I could ever contend with that. Besides, even if she wasn't around - you're far too good for me. You're kind and insanely talented and you're basically a genius. And what have I got going for me? I sleep around, I chain smoke, I get drunk on a Wednesday evening and have to go to bed at nine o'clock. If by so-"

He was cut off from speaking by Brian crossing the room and taking his face in his hands, pressing a firm kiss to his lips. After the initial shock had worn off, he let himself melt into the kiss for a moment, letting his hands fall to Brian's slim hips. He quickly remembered himself though and pushed Brian off of him, looking down at the floor until the taller man took a step back from him,

"Don't do that, don't tr-"

"I'm in love with you too"

Roger swallowed thickly as he looked up at Brian, biting down on his lower lip. Here was everything he'd ever wanted, and yet..

"I can't, Brian. Not while you're still with Chrissie. I love you but I can't be your piece on the side, it's not fair on me or her. I hate to give you an ultimatum like this, but I have to.. it's her or me"

He knew exactly what he wanted and it was being handed right to him, but he knew it was the right thing to do to tell Brian he couldn't be with him unless he broke up with Chrissie. It wasn't fair on her, letting her think she was in a perfectly happy relationship all while Brian was with him behind the closed walls of their house. He refused to put himself through that either, only being with Brian when nobody else could see them.

"Are you working today?" Brian asked, and Roger nodded, a slight frown crossing his face. "Yeah, in about an hour. I took Fred's shift too so I'll be home late" He told him. "Come straight home afterwards, I think we'll have a lot to talk about. I'll go talk to Chris while you're out"

Roger tried not to get his hopes up at Brian's words, he doubted he meant what he thought, but still.. what else could he mean other than he was planning on leaving her?

"D'you mean-"

"Yeah, I do. I want to be with you, Rog" He murmured, reaching over to take Roger's hand, gently tangling their fingers. Roger couldn't stop the smile that spread over his face.

 

-x-

 

He left for work shortly afterwards, and despite the fact that he was still pretty hungover, it was the best day he'd had in a long time.

For the first hour or so, he'd been overthinking everything - wondering if Brian was being serious with him, or if there was some way that he'd misunderstood the whole thing. The fact remained the same though that Brian had kissed him, that he'd told him plain and simple that he was in love with him too.

He'd never even considered that admitting how he felt could turn out like this, he assumed it would all crash and burn and that it would end with Brian never wanting to speak to him again. There was a part of him that was a little bitter at the fact that he could've had this for years if he'd only told him sooner, but he wasn't dwelling too much on that.

He decided to buy a bottle of wine on the way home from work. He still felt the slightest bit hungover from the night before but that didn't matter, they were celebrating.

He found Brian in the kitchen when he got home, and he made his way over to him with a smile on his face - with the intention in his head of kissing him without any guilt involved. When Brian turned his face away from him though, he just.. he knew.

"You didn't do it, did you?" He asked, taking a step back from the guitarist. Brian looked at him, and he wore such a guilty expression that Roger barely wanted him to explain,

"She's pregnant, Rog"

He could feel a wave of nausea coming over him at Brian's words, "She.. oh" He murmured, nodding slightly.

He knew it, he knew it had been too good to be true. He shouldn't have let himself get his hopes up for something he - realistically - knew would never happen,

"I had every intention of breaking it off with her, I promise you. I told her we had to talk and I sat her down, but she said she had some news she wanted to tell me first, and I.. I can't leave her, Roger. Not when she's about to have my baby"

Roger felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over his head. That was the harsh reality of it really, Chrissie was having Brian's baby. He knew that no matter how strongly the two of them felt about each other, there was no way he could contend with the woman who was about to become the mother of Brian's child.

"I know, Bri. I'm happy for you, I am. That's great news" He told him, and he hated how even he could hear how his voice was shaking, "Fred was in the shop earlier with Jim though and I promised I'd drop over when I was finished, so I probably should be going about now" He murmured. A total lie, and he was pretty sure Brian knew that, but he was grateful that the older man didn't call him out on it, "You should take the wine.. celebrate. Although I suppose Chrissie can't drink now, but still"

He needed to get out of the house, he was trying his best to plaster on a smile but he was starting to feel like the walls were closing in on him. So he pushed the bottle of wine into Brian's hands and turned on his heel, shutting the front door after him.

He'd barely made it out of the driveway before his vision blurred with tears and a sob escaped his throat.

 

-x-

 

"Oh for God's sake. I'll be back in a minute, John, hold on" Freddie told the bassist as he got up from where he'd been sitting. John hadn't been too happy with a bass line they'd put in one of their newer songs, so he'd gone over to Freddie's house that evening so the two of them could run through it and make some changes.

They were interrupted though by the insistent ringing of Freddie's doorbell.

"Unless someone has died, I- Roger? Oh honey, come in. What's happened?" Freddie certainly hadn't expected to see Roger at the door, especially not a Roger who's face was streaked with tears and who looked like he was barely holding it together.

He ushered him into the living room where John was and sat him down, going back out to the kitchen to make Roger a cup of tea. He joined them again once he'd made it, sitting on the coffee table as he handed Roger the mug. John had scooted over to sit beside Roger and had an arm wrapped around his shoulders - Roger still looked just as miserable,

"Now, come on. Stop crying, tell us what happened" He murmured and Roger sniffled again, rubbing his eyes with the back of his sleeve, "I told Brian. It just kind of slipped out last night, I was drunk and we were arguing, and I told him I wrote I'm in Love with my Car about him" He explained, Freddie and John sharing a quick yet confused look at the last part of his sentence, "Then he made us sit down and have a proper talk about it this morning before I went to work"

"I take it he didn't feel the same way then?"

"He does, that's the problem. He told me he loves me too and he kissed me, but I told him I couldn't be with him unless he leaves Chrissie. I'm not that guy, I'm not letting him cheat on her with me. He said that he would, and I spent the entire day in work on cloud fucking nine because I thought that when I got home, I was finally getting everything I ever wanted. Then I got home and he tells me he didn't leave her because she's fucking pregnant. And I know I should be happy for them but I can't, because I love him so much and now she's having his baby, and I.. I-"

Freddie cut Roger off by leaning forward and wrapping his arms around the drummer, pulling him against his chest, "Shh, it's okay, darling. It'll all be okay" He cooed, rocking him slightly from side to side as Roger's arms came up around his middle. He shared a look with John, biting his lip gently. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with this, neither of them did.

Roger was sobbing his heart out on Freddie's shoulder, and all Freddie could do was hold him while John rubbed his back gently.

 

-x-

 

"I'm just going to telephone Brian, let him know that Roger is here. Keep him occupied for a moment, won't you?"

Freddie asked John, stealing a quick glance at the drummer who was curled on the couch with another mug of tea, watching a rerun of some show that was on the television. It hadn't been easy but they'd finally gotten him calmed down enough to stop crying. They didn't blame him though, they both knew how deeply he loved Brian and how much this had to have hurt.

So he called Brian in the other room, smiling when he heard the other man's voice on the line,

"Freddie? Is Roger with you? We.. well, not quite argued, but he said he had to pop over to you and he left in a hurry but he hasn't been back since and I'm worried he-"

"He's here, Brian. He's fine. He's going to stay the night though, he was a little upset when he got here"

"..He told you, didn't he?"

"He did, yeah. Look, Brian.. none of us are mad at you for this, alright? Roger isn't either he's just.. overwhelmed and upset over what happened. It is fantastic news about Chrissie though, John and I are so happy for you. We will celebrate once all this has died down, alright?"

"Yeah.. thanks, Fred. Just, look after him for me, won't you?"

"I always do, dear"

 

-x-

 

Roger was pretty embarrassed when he got up the next morning, to say the least. He was a grown man, he shouldn't have shown up at Freddie's door bawling his eyes out like a child. He was pretty sure Jim and Veronica weren't his biggest fans right now since both of their partners had spent the night comforting him instead of being with them.

Then there was Brian.

Now that his head had cleared a little, he realised he'd made a bit of a fool of himself. Aside from all else, Brian was having a baby. He was becoming a father for the first time, and Roger knew he'd sort of ruined what should've been a happy moment for him by acting like a child and making it all about himself.

So when he went back to his and Brian's house, he told himself he was going to act like a rational adult.

"Bri?" He called as he let himself in, giving the other man a slight smile when he emerged from the kitchen,

"Roger, look.. I'm so sor-"

"Stop, I'm the one who should be apologising" He told him, continuing when Brian just looked at him, "I acted like a child last night, throwing a tantrum because I didn't get what I wanted. I'm sorry we never got our chance, but I am happy for you and Chrissie. You're becoming a dad and I shouldn't have ruined that by behaving like I did last night. So I just.. I want you to know it's okay. I'm okay. You're still my best friend and I'd rather have that than not at all"

Brian still looked like he wanted to argue once Roger had finished talking, so Roger did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around the guitarist's neck, resting his chin on his shoulder, "We're still friends, alright? This doesn't have to ruin anything"

If they held onto each other a little longer than they should have, then neither of them mentioned it.

 

-x-

 

Roger felt he was doing a pretty damn good job of being a mature adult. He'd congratulated Chrissie on the baby when he next saw her, kept a smile plastered on his face while she talked about it.

He showed up to rehearsals and recording sessions on time, caffeined and nicotined up so that he was on top form. He joked with John, toyed back and forth with Freddie about song lyrics, ribbed Brian about showing off on his guitar, and he was damn good at keeping up the whole act.

If he sometimes noticed out of the corner of his eye, Brian watching him with a slightly longing look on his face, he dutifully ignored it.

All in all, he felt he was doing pretty well - or at least acting like he was. Obviously it still hurt to see Brian and Chrissie together, knowing that he was so close to having that for himself, but he refused to wallow in it. He'd even adopted a cat that Freddie had tried moving into Garden Lodge but who hadn't gotten along with his other cats. Lucy, she was a cute little thing, had taken a shine to him almost immediately.

So it was only natural that everything would come crashing down before he knew it.

He was lounging in the sitting room with his feet propped up on the coffee table, scratching his fingers through Lucy's fur while he watched the news. It was nothing particularly interesting, he was barely paying attention to it - too lost in his own thoughts.

He looked around when he heard the front door shutting, surprised to see Chrissie come into the sitting room first - although she was followed shortly after by Brian, who's face dropped slightly when he saw Roger. In all fairness, Roger had planned to be out for the day but had changed his mind at the last minute and had stayed in,

"Roger! Oh, guess what?" Chrissie asked as she sat beside him on the couch, barely able to hold back her grin. She didn't wait for him to guess, simply stuck out her left hand - where a ring was sitting on her finger,

"Brian and I are getting married!"

Roger felt like all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs, and he looked over at the older man who was very forcefully staring at the floor instead of Roger. He plastered a smile on his face, and he just hoped that it didn't look as forced as it felt, "That's great, I'm delighted for you. It's about time, right?" He said with a smile.

Brian still refused to look at him.

Chrissie stayed for a cup of tea before telling the two men she needed to get going, plans with her roommate and all that. Roger congratulated her again as she left, and before he knew it; it was just him and Brian.

"Congratulations"

"I didn't want you to find out like this, I didn't think you were going to be in.. I was going to tell you later"

"No, it's alright. Like I said, it's about time"

"It's for the baby, Roger. It only makes sense for us to get married, especially since I shouldn't have any reason not to now th-"

"I'm gonna move out"

Brian was stunned into silence by Roger's statement, simply looking over at the younger man, "What?"

"I'm going to move out, find my own flat somewhere. The two of you are getting married and then the baby is gonna be here and I'm sure you'll want to move in together, and you don't need me hanging around in the other room. Keep my room for the baby, do it up like a nursery or something" He shrugged, picking at a hangnail on his thumb.

He looked up at Brian when he still didn't say anything, sighing at the dejected look on the other man's face,

"Don't do that. Don't look at me like I'm breaking your heart. Believe me, I'd stay here with you the rest of my life if I could, but you're moving on with your life so give me a chance to do the same. I've made my peace with the fact that we'll never be together, but I can't live as a third wheel while you and Chrissie have the perfect life together, tell me you understand that" He murmured, and Brian nodded.

It would have to do, he'd made his decision.

 

-x-

 

Word spread pretty quickly among the band that Brian and Chrissie were finally getting married, and John and Freddie had treated him as though he was made of glass for a couple of days before he had assured them that he was okay, that the news was a shock obviously but that he was dealing with it.

He'd found himself a flat too after about two weeks, and he was surprised to find that he actually loved it. It was weird not living with Brian, the two of them had lived together ever since Brian and Tim had broken up, but the place was small enough that it didn't feel overly empty while living on his own. Besides, he had Lucy and she filled the place with life.

The band was doing well too, they were almost finished recording their new album and they had a tour lined up for shortly after they released the album. Freddie had one more song that he had written that he wanted to put on the album though.

So that was how they found themselves in the studio that Thursday afternoon, the three of them sitting while Freddie showed them the song that he'd written. He wanted to sing through the song first, then discuss with them afterwards the instrumentals,

"Love of my life, you've hurt me. You've broken my heart and now you leave me. Love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me. Because you don't know what it means to me... Love of my life, don-"

He stopped singing when Roger shot up from the drum riser he'd been sitting on, making a beeline for the back entrance to the studio. He just.. he couldn't sit and listen to this. He'd been doing so well, but for some reason Freddie's song had hit a little too close to home. He knew it had nothing to do with him and Brian, but it still broke his heart to listen to it.

Brian followed him out, although he stood a good six feet away from Roger, letting the drummer pull himself together slightly before approaching him,

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah.. God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me" Roger murmured, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. He could feel the emotion bubbling up inside him, but Freddie's song had just caught him off guard,

"I'll tell Fred to scrap the song" Brian suggested and Roger shook his head, "No, don't. It's a good song, it's beautiful. I just wasn't expecting it" He murmured, putting his hands in his pockets as he looked over at Brian - who looked a little lost, standing with his arms hanging at his sides.

Was this really how it was going to be from now on? They'd all have to be careful about setting Roger off because he couldn't get over himself, and he and Brian were going to end up having this conversation over and over again.

"I've really cocked it up, haven't I?" He asked, holding a hand up when Brian opened his mouth to speak, "Don't. Just.. let me say something and then that'll be it forever, I'll never bring it up again-

"You're the love of my life. I've known it since forever and I doubt that that's ever gonna change as long as I live. It's like a pit in my stomach knowing that you love me too and that we can't be together. But please believe me when I say that I'm so happy for you. I'm so, so happy that you get your happily ever after with a girl who loves you. You're going to make a hell of a dad, and you better name the kid Roger if it's a boy.. but I'll accept Rogerina if it's a girl" He murmured, giving Brian a slightly sniffly smile. His vision was beginning to blur with tears but he just.. he had to get this out.

"I swear, this is gonna be the last time I ever mention it. I'll be right there at your wedding and when the baby is born, and I'm gonna be at your side every step of the way as long as you need me, 'cause as well as the love of my life, you're my best friend. I can see this is hurting you too and that's not what I want. So I'm going to move on, and you should too"

He told him, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He could see Brian was a little teary too, and it wasn't like he had meant to upset him - but he had needed to get that off his chest.

"Can I kiss you? Just once.. I just- please?"

Roger knew he should say no, that he should tell Brian to go back inside. But somehow.. this felt a little like closure.

Instead of saying anything he simply stepped into Brian's space, wrapping a hand around the back of the guitarist's neck as he brought their lips together. He felt one of Brian's hands resting on his lower back, the other one between his shoulder blades. This was everything he'd ever wanted, the feeling of the taller man's slender body pressed up against his, his unruly curls tangled between Roger's fingers as he pulled him close.

The moment was slightly ruined by the salty taste of tears on Brian's lips, but it was still a moment that Roger would cherish for the rest of his life.

After what felt like both years and seconds, he pulled himself away from Brian slightly - just enough to breathe, although his lips were still brushing Brian's. The older man let out a shaky breath, his fingers curling in the back of Roger's shirt as he tilted his head back just far enough to look Roger in the eye.

"I love you, don't ever forget that" He whispered and Roger nodded, raising up on his toes to press another quick kiss to his lips, "You know I love you too. Now stop crying, we need to get back inside and finish that song" He murmured, brushing his thumb against the tears beginning to drip from Brian's eyes again.

 

-x-

 

Roger wasn't sure how it happened, but.. things were good. Actually good, not like it had been before when he was putting on a brave face for everyone. It seemed it had done him some good to get everything off his chest and just tell Brian everything he'd been trying to bottle up.

He knew he'd never stop loving the guitarist, but he'd made his peace with the fact that Brian was living his life and starting a family without him. He meant it when he'd said that he was happy Brian had gotten his happily ever after.

He'd met a girl too, a friend of a friend called Debbie. Nothing had actually happened between the pair yet, but he was thinking of asking her out, she was a nice girl. They'd released the album too and it had gone down a storm, the sales were through the roof. He knew they were all looking forward to the tour even more now - now that they knew the public loved the new songs.

As for things between himself and Brian - it was actually fine. They were getting on with their lives, they were still as close as they'd ever been - and Roger just hoped that Brian was trying his best to move on too. It was for the best.

So he was surprised of course when Brian showed up at his door one evening.

It was a rainy dark evening, despite the fact that it was the middle of summer. Freddie and John both had plans with their partners - he knew Freddie and Jim were trying out this new bar, but he was pretty sure John and Veronica hadn't joined them since Veronica was pregnant now too. He hadn't fancied tagging along with either of the pairs so he'd decided he'd just stay in, see if there was anything good on the television.

He wasn't even sure where Lucy was, curled up underneath one of the radiators he assumed in an attempt to keep warm. He loved his new flat, but it wasn't too great at holding the heat in - which was why he was curled up on the couch too with a blanket thrown over him.

He frowned when he heard the knock at the door, getting up to answer it. It was twenty past eight, he had no idea who'd be dropping in about now.

"Brian, what the hell are you doing here?" He asked, looking over at the other man. It was like something from a goddamn cliche - Brian's curls were flattened slightly against his head with the rain and he was shivering, Roger didn't need to look twice to see that his clothes were pretty much soaked through, "Get in here, you're dripping on the carpet" He told him, pulling Brian into the flat.

"I broke up with Chrissie"

Roger stopped in his tracks after he'd shut the door, turning back to look at Brian, "You what?" He asked. "She lied.. about being pregnant. There was never any baby. We were arguing and she came clean about it, said that she knew I was going to leave her when I sat her down that time, so she said she was pregnant so that I wouldn't. I- I don't know, I'm a bit overwhelmed. This morning I was engaged and I was thinking about baby names, and now that's all gone and I just had to tell you but I- I-"

Roger pulled Brian into a hug when his voice started shaking, resting his chin on the taller man's shoulder. He could hardly believe what he was hearing, that Chrissie had lied about being pregnant just to stop Brian from leaving her. He had no idea how she'd been hoping to get away with that one, but that was the furthest thing from his mind when Brian was currently sobbing his heart out on his shoulder.

"Shhh.. it's okay, sweetheart, it'll be alright" He murmured, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Brian's back, "Come on, sit down" He told him, the two of them sinking to the ground, Brian curling against him as they leaned back against the radiator. It didn't make a difference to Roger that they were sat on the floor in the hall, or that the heat from the radiator was burning his back, or that Brian's wet clothes were starting to dampen his own. Right now, he just knew Brian needed to be held.

"I'm so sorry, Bri. I'm so sorry she did that to you" He said quietly, resting his cheek on top of Brian's head which was tucked into his neck. He felt awful for him, he knew that Brian had always wanted kids, that he wanted a family of his own. So he couldn't imagine how this must have felt.

"Come on, you're going to catch your death in your wet clothes. I'll see if I've got something that'll fit you and we'll go to bed, alright?" He asked him, pulling Brian to his feet. He sent him into the bedroom while he took a moment to gather himself, switching off the television before he followed him in. He could have cried at the sight of Brian standing in the middle of his room with his arms wrapped around himself, shivering from his wet clothes.

He searched through his drawers for something until he came across a pair of pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt which he was pretty sure had belonged to Brian in the first place, going out to feed Lucy while he gave him a moment to change. When he came back into the room, Brian was sitting up in the bed, looking over at Roger expectantly.

So he got in next to him, wrapping an arm around the guitarist and pulling him close once they'd laid down. He just hoped Brian wouldn't try anything tonight - not because he didn't want to sleep with him, but he just knew neither of them were in the right headspace right now, plus they had a lot to talk about.

"Try and get some sleep, alright?" He murmured, pressing a kiss to Brian's jaw before nestling into his side.

 

-x-

 

He woke up before Brian the next morning, and he smiled a little as he looked over at him, taking a moment to just watch him sleep. It was still early, early enough that the room was still mostly dark. He just about make out Brian next to him though, his face slack with sleep, mouth slightly open.

So Roger just curled against him again, pressing his face against the crook of Brian's neck as he closed his eyes again.

When he next woke up, he was alone in the bed. He frowned for a moment before the smell of coffee wafting through the flat lead him to the conclusion that Brian was up and in the kitchen. So he dragged himself out of bed, smiling to himself at the sight of the other man looking out the window as he drank his coffee. He walked up behind him, wrapping his arms around his torso from behind as he pressed his cheek to Brian's shoulder blade, "Good morning" He murmured, smiling when he felt one of Brian's hands drop down to rest on top of his own.

Brian turned around in his arms, dropping his own arms around Roger's neck once he had put down his coffee cup,

"Good morning"

"D'you want to talk about it?" Roger asked, looking up at him. They'd have to talk about it eventually, as well as where they went from here. Brian sighed, chewing on his lower lip for a moment before nodding,

"Me and her are done. What she did.. I might be able to forgive her eventually, but I can't look past it. We're done and she knows it. Which brings it to us, I guess. I'm single now but unless you and Debbie..."

Roger rolled his eyes with a smile at Brian's words, "Baby, d'you really think I'd pass up the chance to have this for some girl I barely know?" He asked, raising up on his tiptoes to press their lips together. It was nice to finally do this with no guilt or sadness involved, to know that Brian wasn't going to go home to his girlfriend after this.

"I thought that maybe.. after that last talk we had, that you would have changed your mind. That you'd have moved on like you said we should"

"I also told you that you're the love of my life, and that hasn't changed. I love you so much, Brian May. And if you want, I'd love if it you'd move back in with me - here. Our old place is full of too many memories of Chrissie, and I really think you'd like it here. One bedroom, so we'd have no choice but to sleep in the same bed" He teased with a slight grin.

Brian's smile was blinding and he leaned down to kiss Roger again, turning them around so that the drummer was pressed against the counter. He bent to lift him up onto the counter top, fitting himself between Roger's legs as they kissed. It wasn't until he started lifting Roger's t-shirt that he stopped him, smiling against Brian's lips,

"We have plenty of time for that. I can't imagine where your head must be right now after last night, so while you settle your thoughts down; I just want to spend the morning being domestic with my new boyfriend"

Brian could hardly argue with that.

 

-x-

 

The next day when they got to the studio, they found they were the first ones there - Freddie and John were obviously running a few minutes late. They were heading off on their tour in two weeks, so they wanted to get in as much practice and rehearsals as they could until then.

So they just waited for the other two, Roger idly strumming at Brian's guitar as they sat on the drum riser, heads bent close together as they chatted. Brian had a cup of coffee which Roger stole a mouthful from every now and again. It wasn't until Brian wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek, Roger laughing at the action, that he realised they weren't alone.

Freddie and John stood at the door of the studio, Freddie wearing a slightly manic grin on his face while John simply watched them with a soft expression,

"What have we here?" Freddie asked, and John rolled his eyes,

"You two have a lot to explain, but you can do it after rehearsal. For now, I'm just gonna say I'm happy it worked out for the two of you"

Roger smiled at John's words - the bassist could always be relied on to not beat around the bush. He glanced over at Brian, giving him a soft smile,

"Yeah, me too"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!! 
> 
> For the purpose of this fic, the band's song timeline is all over the place - '39 is written for their first album, I'm In Love With My Car and Love of my Life are written maybe two albums down the line but before they got really famous. I'm still picturing the band as they were around '74ish though 
> 
> The part with Brian and Roger arguing about Brian slowing down is taken from two audio clips of the band having a spat while playing - they're all babies lmao
> 
> Again, this wasn't beta read at all and I barely read over it once I finished - so pls excuse any horrific mistakes!!


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